I joined this team

Who shovels snow at 2AM? I do.

Boy, we complain about not having any more snowy winters and then Mother Nature responded.  Actually, she’s been too generous this season.  I just did my last shovel at 2am.  No need cause it was still snowing but it makes it easier to clean up later and when it’s not packed from all the walking.

I’ve been a little stumped with what to write lately.  The feeling to write again is eluding me and I push to try and keep it going.  Recently 2 friends read some of the blog page.  YAY for small victories.  But still lacking proper motivation.

I have been getting depressed again lately.  It stopped for a little bit when I thought I had figured out a way to get some of my worries sorted out.  I think I made a mistake though.  What turned into non paranoia is turning into resentment possibly?  But fear is definitely coming back into play.  With that the depression and lack of motivation set in again, not to skip on mentioning that I want to eat myself into oblivion.  I had 13oz of pasta today.  At least I had some self control and not eat it in one sitting.

Need a new way to get a hold again.

G

A family fat together, loses weight together.

I can’t believe I did this and that it may actually happen.  I was talking to my parents and the weight conversation came up yet again.  They asked if I had lost weight and I said that only a few pounds but nothing that noticeable.   I think they were deceived cause for years and years I have a habit of holding in my stomach.  Nothing dramatic like I’m trying to look 50lbs thinner or anything, but just some habit I’ve had for years.  

Well it came down to where we all just need to control ourselves and instead of giving my dad a lecture like we all do, I offered him some help.  I told him that we would just challenge each other a little bit in losing weight.  We set a small goal up at first and nothing dramatic, 40lbs.  My mom took us up on the challenge,  she doesn’t need to lose 40, but will lose the weight she needs during our goals overall.   She doesn’t need to rush.

Unfortunately my dad and I both have the same weight goals overall, I won’t mention them here now cause I don’t want to set myself up for disappointment or ridicule.  I know I’m not in good shape and with our families medical history, I shouldn't be this big.

Dad wants to go back home to Croatia this summer but he really doesn’t want to go if he doesn’t lose the weight which is understandable.  He wants to walk around a bit and just go places but he tires fast and not to mention the weight complicates his health and meds.  So if he can lose 40-50lbs, he would be in way better shape for his trip.  And that’s what I’m willing to do with him.  It also means that whatever weight he loses, I’m matching and will try to pass. 

I just have a goal to get back into some better shape other than being just round these days.  I really let myself down these last 2 years.  So now I just need to get back up and start bringing myself together.   I don’t want to be a disappointment still at 40yrs.

I’ll have more on this and myself soon.

G

New Beginnings Again

So here we are again all of my non readers.  It’s been quite some time since my last update.  Me thinks Aug ‘09 was the last update.  Let me check that…Yep it was.  Quite a bit has happened to me, physically, mentally, socially.   I’ve become quite the bit of the fucked monkey as my friend Thomas says.  I gave it some time since the last blog and just felt like keeping the blog and updating might bring me some sanity.  Perhaps even start posting my updates and sharing with friends again.  I tried that before, but I don’t think most of you were interested in hearing any of this.   I want to bring some change to the look as well to the blog and as soon as I figure out how that is done, I’ll do it.  

If you have any ideas for me, you know where to email me.  Just be sure to mention my blog in the subject.

I’ll start posting up some new random photos as well.  That’s a favorite of mine.

G

So it's been a while again.

Lots to catch you all up on.  But I don't think any of you are actually paying any attention.   Which is ok.  I set this up as an experiment for myself and to help me think a bit more clearly.

I will make a few more posts and add pictures and then say goodbye to blogging for a while.

 

G

ouch

pain pain pain.  Today is pain.  Woke up, tried to get out of bed, way to painful so back to sleep I went.  Woke up at about 2pm.  Horrible I know.  I need to start getting my hours adjusted so I can start enjoying the daylight again and need to move my ass outside more. 

Tired and in pain, that's all I have for now.

G

When life sucks, Vacation.

I know that people will disapprove of me vacationing when I haven't been employed for 14mo now.  And right now, I don't want to be employed.  I search and search and come up empty handed or interview and come up with hollow promises.  You can actually smell the bullshit on the interviewers.  I know times are tough, but don't shove a plate full of bullshit under my nose and try to wet my appetite.  Not happening.

So in 11 days I heading off to Croatia for the 2nd time.  My father's country.   I think and hope that it will clear my head and calm me down enough so that when I get back, I'll be focused enough to get back on track and maybe try a new approach to my life and the no work issue pending here. 

Hey, does anyone ever read this?  Maybe I should start to advertise my blog onto other social network sites. 

Leave a comment at least that you've read this so that I still know that I'm alive at least.  haha

G

Where oh where did my speed go?!

Crazy how today's wireless telecoms advertise all these amazing speeds and stuff but still can't deliver.  I just took it upon myself to do some speed testing using my iPhone.  I tested speeds using Edge, 3G and my wireless network (ISP is TWC Roadrunner).   These are the results that I came up with and I had what I suspect full strength cause all my  bars were there.   No wonder surfing is shitty unless you run off a wireless network, 3G is kind of disappointing as well.

When does the end come?

Been in a rut for quite a long time now and these last 2 days have been especially hard on me.  Job market sucks pretty bad right now and I'm not sure what I even want to do anymore with myself.  I am working on a side project which I hope to reveal in several months but I'm having difficulty just getting it off the ground.  Turns out, I'm not the personality type that can work for myself.   I need to be depended on and for some reason I don't count as a person to myself.  This makes the situation quite difficult considering the endeavor to which I'm trying to accomplish. 

 

Has anyone ever had the situation where they really needed to rely on themselves for everything but came from the environment opposite?  I'm used to working and doing more important things for everyone else.  The need to serve others. 

All I know is that I am missing from my own equation.   :(

Time sure does fly.

Where does it go especially if you're sitting in a funk?   I think I'm soon going to meld into my office chair at home.  This thing has become my new best friend.  I do appreciate that is a Herman Miller chair though.  I want to shake his hand and thank him personally, anyone know how to get in touch with Herman Miller?  Post a comment to this blog posting

I'm really not in the best moods lately and almost impossible to get motivated in anything I do.  I know the benefits that can be had with moving my ass, but why is it that I can't get moving?   Anyone know of some good pharmaceuticals that help?

Captain, at this speed she’ll tear herself apart!

I love looking at statistics, especially those of how fast someone’s internet connection is.  I check speedtest.net every once in a while for my speeds and just wanted a chance to post what others post so often.

 

This is only half of what my ISP is supposed to deliver.  I hate all the fake promises they make.  The upload is good, the download is pathetic.  At around 1am do I ever get the appropriate speeds.

I can’t wait for Verizon’s Fios to come around so I can threaten RR with leaving and see if they do anything to compensate.  I would at least like to have a 3 or 5Mb connection on the upload.  That would make me soooooo happy.

Grumpy ass B*tch.

Ever just wake up just being really grumpy?  Not cause you just woke up, but that is the mood that is set for the day.  Mine started about 20min after I woke up.  Now I’m in the not giving a fuck for anything mood.  Feeling some aggression too.

I think I feel more pissed off and kinda light headed at the same time.  Ever get that?  I should measure my blood pressure.  I’ve been getting light headed recently and it’s probably from high pressure. 

So here is a funny update.  I just borrowed my fathers blood pressure device and my pressure is really good actually.  Even when I’m getting the feel of being pissed and anxiety my pressure was 125/67 with a pulse of 72.  So it’s completely on the norm.  hmmm.

I’ll take it again later when I’m about to want to punch someone in their fucking face for being stupid with me.

:)

OM………………………………………….

Another $less day

Had a friend of mine from my grammar school visit today.  We went out for some Thai then back to my house for a movie and ice cream.  Today’s stress levels were totally null, which was a real delight considering lately I’ve been freaking out a lot.

Hmmm, I’m hungry again.  Think I’m going to polish off some Indian leftovers that my sister left me and watch the movie Waiting.  Pretty funny shit right there.

Prepping for the poopy weekend weather.  Have a few projects to work on as well.

Can you tell I’m a little bored while writing this?

G

Went to a concert recently….

Back on 5-3-09 I went to the Nokia Theatre in NYC and saw the bands Volbeat and Nightwish.  Volbeat is what I really went to see, Nightwish is what my friend went for.  My friend Mike ended up leaving the show loving Volbeat and ok with Nightwish and for me VOLBEAT ROCKED. I lost interest in NW.  Oh well, sorry, you just didn’t catch my ear. 

here is a little clip of it

Volbeat – Radio Girl

Back again.

Another blog update soon to follow.  Just trying out a new piece of software for the blog and I’ll add yet another random photo

Preview looks nice.  Let’s do some posting, shall we?

 

I’ll be back.  I have much to say.

Bored at 2:15AM. Can't sleep and I need to be up really early.
I have a video i want to post of some weird stuff that goes on in and around my neighborhood.

just enjoy for now
G

This is a small video I took while walking over the Pulaski Bridge. Cars going through the toll for the Midtown Tunnel on the Queens side.


Not making a point. Just some ramblings.

Well, in case you know or don't, I was in Croatia for about 2 weeks. I've since been back for over 2 weeks as well but I've been sick since coming back.

Anyways, I have many pics to show you all but not gonna happen here. When I'm done, I'll post a link for the pics. Overall I had the best time I've ever had on a vacation. Going back next year. I'll tell some stories later.

For now here is a random pic.

Here is another video I did out of boredom. This was taken driving over the Williamsburg Bridge from Manhattan to Brooklyn.
This is cool if you've never driven over it or have seen it for that matter.